To Not Be A Mother

Recently, I read a post on Guardian about coming to terms with not being a mother. I must say that it touched me a lot. I am a mother, so I may not properly understand what it is to be not able to become one. All my life I had never even thought about such a scenario. Never ever can I imagine the pain and suffering people go through in this situation.

The writing shook me and pained me.I realised I may also be one of those people who might have hurt other women like her in similar manner. She talks about how she was avoided by her own friend's for parties because she was not a mother.The way that her friend's  This made me realise that being a women is quite a difficult task. Society demands us to be a Mother. It feels like it is the sole purpose of our lives. Maybe somewhere we all are responsible for this. It's a demand that is installed on our system the moment we become women. Our life seems to be revolving around motherhood. Once you get married, you cannot escape it. It is as if our very own existence relies on the fact of being a Mother.

Even on married friend's group the talks always centres kids. That is so frustrating. Is it the only thing that matters in our life. Aren't there any other matters that are equally important. I now understand how difficult it is for a women to live in the world , if she has not gone through motherhood. Even in today's progressive world, women cannot escape the questioning of her fertility. Her life seems to be unworthy for other's who judge her for not being a mother. The pain and agony that this inflicts on her heart is invisible to our eye.

We all have a friend who goes through this depressed state. But have we ever known the pain of her. I am sorry,we did not. I feel ashamed. How can we ever do this. I too am a woman . We are the ones who pains the most , knowingly or unknowingly. We judge others who are not us. It's because there is an assumption that the only truly worthwhile job that a woman can do is to raise children.Women are divided in two: Mother's and Child-free. 

According to a recent study a fifth in women cannot be a mother. So you see there are many out there who are going through this difficult time. They do not need our sympathy. What they require is our understanding and support. A strength that enables them to fight the world. What they need is to be respected for the person she is. Not for what she cannot become. There are many warriors out there,constantly fighting with people trying to demean them for something which is not their fault .

 Too often,women who are Child-free by circumstance are left with the sense of not having a proper life. And any women who are Child-free by choice find themselves vilified as heartless,selfish types lacking some vital quality that would make them "real" women

Women need to become a more supportive bunch to survive in this era of mommy community era ! It's time to show how much there is to offer and that there is meaning in life. It's time to raise your voice .

Little Girl Tantrums😄😎

Having said a heartfelt bye to my old place, we shifted to our new home last week. Difficult days as our daughter and us have to fit ourselves. Interestingly  my daughter and myself are finding a bit hard to adjust . This made me wonder, how could it be possible. Our old place has a lot of memories of my kiddo, as she was just a baby when we moved there. The fact that she was a baby helped us in getting acquainted with the residents more easily. It was multi-lingual and was fun. There were lots of advises imparted in different culture and languages which I found to be amusing and informative.

We made friend's who were eager to learn about our culture, to mingle with us.As my daughter grew she was sooo happy to mingle with all the kids and shout at them by the way they talk. She never understood or cared about the different words , not just malayalam, coming out of her mouth. Maybe she has not reached the age where we differentiate other by what we speak. I was glad that she had friend's from almost every region 😄.

She misses them . She asks about them. She wants to run to the corridor, which is not long enough in the new apartment. i know this is just a phase. But, I feel sorry for her. She always asks me about her friend's and I always have to cook up some stories. She always believes we are in our old place. I convince myself that she will forget it. Maybe after a month everything will be back to normal. Finding it hard to please her sometimes .

Hoping that all is happening for good.

Friend's

I know one might think what kind of topic is this. But it was the only word that came to my mind when I sat down to write. My mind went back a few years at that moment. I must say that I do not have an army of friend's in my life. Only a bunch of good,faithful and kind hearted ones. 

I clearly remember my school life. I was a person who completed twelve years in one school and I cannot even remember one beautiful moment from it. It's pathetic that I don't have even one best friend from that time. I mean, seriously, there should have been some issue. I know that I felt different from them. I never trusted them. 

This was the same thought I had when I entered college life. As the days progressed I found myself changing from within. I found out that there are really people called "Friend's". Those three years were sincerely the best of my life. While writing this I am having a Bigggg Smile on my face. It comes from the deepest bottom of my heart. I mean seriously who would have thought that I will be hanging out with some people who accepted me for what I am. I never ever remember any one instance where I felt awkward or different. I never felt the eye of judgement in them. They were those who never questioned me when I laughed out loud or cried my heart out. There existed a connection from the soul. It was like walking with your mirror images.

I felt happiness from them. I was accepted for what I am. I know they will laugh at what I am writing, but they know it's true. I love them and they love me. Beautiful!!

Girls, I just wanted to tell you all that you are the best people in my life. We are sister's until death and after. You guys are my inspiration to write. Don't laugh, I send my writings only to you all. You are the first people who I tell everything. Now I am stuck for words.

I just wanted to say that I am grateful for every moment, for every support,for every love and for every laugh I had with. may God shpwer his kindness and let us prosper . May we be sister's and friend's for life. Biggg Love to allllll......

Random words

My little angel is sleeping peacefully in the other room.Well I did let out a long sigh. Getting the small bundle into bed is a tedious task. After so many hours of singing,arguing and nabbing, she demanded to be put in to the bed at the highest pitch she could say out loud. Well, what should I do. I mean, guilty to the core, I feel happy. My God!!

Well one might think of me as a bad mother, but I just simply cannot ignore what I feel. Many ideas where running across my mind to utilise the  two hours of complete silence ( It's her afternoon re-energiser nap). I don't know when I started to love these silences in my home. It's just that may be we should give our ears some precious time to filter all the sounds vibrating inside the head. Should I eat a jalebi. No, of course not. she would catch the smell. Never understood how they are able to wake up at the right moment, when we decide to stretch our legs and have something sweet.

Oh!! Nooo!! She is moving.. Nope she didn't wake. Yaaay!!! Do Not Stare At Me. I am impenetrable at the moment. Going to make a nice cup of tea for myself. Bye!!

P.S: You Not So Good Wi-Fi. Where are you when I need the most. Mobile data almost done.

How Do You Do?

Here I Am,
Here I Am.
How Do You Do.......

Goes my Baby's nursery rhyme while I was pondering over what should I do. The words struck a chord inside me. Suddenly, I wondered, how many times a day have you heard someone asking you,"How Do You Do". We are social beings, defined as friends in FB, Whats App , LinkedIn and other social interactive sites, that it's quite unusual that we don't hear people asking "How do you do", often.

The other day , I was "chatting" with a dear friend of mine. Now, this person was the most cheerful , talkative and joyful  I had ever met in my life. She was  lost. She was not herself. She was not the person, who I remember. It was like talking to a ghost . I was lost for words, while she was crying her heart out. We were not in touch for a long time. By touch, I mean real touch, except for those forwarded Whats App messages. How many  times have I asked her "How Do You Do". I do not know .Now when I think about it, I can't remember the last time, I had asked this question  to the people  with me.

So, what happened to us? We were so engrossed with our lives, that we forgot to ask the person next to us how they are? Terrible, right. After all , it's just a simple query. But, think about the happiness it brings. It may not be something big . Nevertheless it leaves a huge impression. A big comfort to their hearts, a little smile on their faces. Small Words, Big Changes. 

May be it's time to start over. Let's start to appreciate all the people, things, gifts, moments and surprises of life. Let's just take a moment from our busy days, to acknowledge the people with us. Those people who gave us life, those who stood by us through all ups and downs, those who made us smile, those who made us believe, those who gave immense strength and support to move on. Sometimes, a small gesture is enough to bring about a great change. What we need is a gentle touch, that makes one believe in love and friendship.

Many times we do not bother to think , how our words and actions affects the people around us. It, may not be purposefully, but it does affects in a way that cannot be assessed easily. Conversations are becoming more and more distant and unreal. Under the same roof, there are times when our existence itself are forgotten. Love has been set aside for trivial matters. People tend to define their relationship with their own rules, that they forget an important rule; rules for a life should be made together not on your own. More importantly, rules should disappear on it's own, it's existence itself should become oblivious.

Relationships are not formed when two people accept each other. It is formed by the care and trust among ourselves. It is a matter of grave concern that we take ourselves seriously, that we forget to love life. Only if we love ourselves,we can love others. Only if we care ourselves, we can care others. Only if we appreciate ourselves,  we can appreciate others. Only if we believe in ourselves, other's will believe you. Nothing and Nobody can tell us that we are weak, useless, unlovable or hopeless.

Maybe, the world is responsible for what we have become. Nonetheless, a small smile, a simple query, a tiny help, a little appreciation, an action of love , will surely change our lives. Hope is the greatest weapon on us. Life is a gift of God, that we have the freedom to  mould into different shapes and sizes, according to our actions and thoughts. Acknowledge everyone, because we are not leading a one man show, everyone is part of all moments in our life. We cannot exist without our friends and enemies. If we ignore all,everyone will ignore us. It may be too late before we realise our mistake. Do not let it happen. Do not be ignorant to the love, happiness and pain of those around us. We need them and they need us. It's not that we should always think about others, but we can do it often. To get love,one should give love.May we all love each other forever.

Live Life, Love life, Love All.

An Everlasting Memory

I was staring at the screen. The pointer blinking impatiently for words to appear. I was thinking about some topic to write. It had been only a few days since I had decided to blog. And ideas were streaming into my mind,but cannot pick one.So here I was thinking about what to write,when a person's memory popped up. Interestingly that person was the reason that I came to love books.

A wanderer,reader,critic and cartoonist he was an enigma. He was the best person I had in my life.As a child I looked up to him with awe and admiration. I loved his use of words,his humour and simplicity. He had soft mischievous brown eyes that hid a beautiful mind .We were like his followers: loyal,faithful,hanging onto every word coming out of him like precious gems. I remember how we would eagerly wait for him to come home.A brown cotton satchel hanging from his left shoulders and a paper bag in his right hand. That paper bag had the most valuable present for us:books. He is the first person to understand my passion for reading. He developed and nourished it on me.During vacations,we used to go and stay at his home. Well,as a matter of fact,it was our home too because the people who live there loves us as their own children. He was keen on sharpening our vocabulary,for which he constructed word games.Morning,he would list the rules and tasks for the game and tells to complete by the time he reaches home.When the task is completed,he takes us out for special treats of ice cream from the Milk Co-Operative outlet.Even though I was not a fan of the outlet's ice cream I always loved his word games. That was one of the main reason I looked forward for holidays. The look of appreciation from him was like getting an award.It was worth his effort,that made me to write about him today!!

He introduced me at a very young age to Enid Blyton,Charles Dickens, Mark Twain, R.K.Narayan and to Harry Potter!!. Books had a special meaning in his life. He had devoted two whole rooms for books,that became my favourite hunting place.There was everything in that world: philosophy, adventure, romance, thriller,science, capitalism,communism and nature. Those two rooms was literally "THE WHOLE WORLD" . His love for books was so great that it didn't matter there was not enough space left at his home for other things.Surfing through the books,felt like an explorer; always excited and nervous.The love and respect that he gave those books reflected in all aspects of his life.Never ever have I heard a bad word,a look of ill-will or ignorant attitude from him. I always wondered how a man could have such knowledge and yet be truly simple. His simplicity won many hearts.People loved his companionship.They floated towards him for his knowledge and help.Many a times other's had tried to misuse his helpful nature,but never has he done the same.It is this aspect of his personality that I admired from my childhood. He taught me the meaning of selfless life. 

 What I loved most was to argue with him. It was special.Later I came to realise that he enjoyed those arguments; in fact he deliberately argued,so we will not be intimidated to question anything.He had a great sense of humour. The way he expresses through his cartoons left a lasting impression on our minds. He never wished to showcase his talents to the outside world. He never wanted anything to do with the people . I had heard that he had  anonymously written many articles and sketched cartoons   . I always wondered the reason behind it? Never asked and never got an answer. It's one of those things that I have come to regret. 

As time passed we used to see less of him. May be he felt keeping distance from the people who loves him is the best way for them to remember him. It was as if he wanted to be free from all relations that bind his soul to others. I will never know . He went away from everyone. People found him,but he never came back. After marriage, I came to Bangalore. One morning, I got a call from my brother saying he had passed away. I felt a void within me. A void which would not be filled ever. 

How can a person create so much influence in another's life? How many had left impressions on our heart? People come and go.It's rare when they leave something behind and it's rarer when somebody creates an everlasting impression. We never know the effect people can have upon us. The depth that a person creates in another's life is beyond measure. Even after they have gone, those impressions live on. Memories are those figments of life that links us to our past. Some are woven with gold threads,so precious that we cherish them forever. To have numerous  beautiful  moments of a person in life is a gift of its own.

This is a small tribute to that  person who was my best friend,my teacher,my brother and my inspiration. I owe so much to you. You are the reason that I have confidence to take the path of writing. You instilled in me the curiosity and eagerness to learn new words. You made me understand the 'Magic Of Words'.You led me in the direction to explore the world of books. You watered the passion in me and kept it burning. You always insisted on finding our own path.Moreover you were the first person to BELIEVE in me. Thank you,for making me a part of your journey.Thank you for showering your blessings upon me. I was never able to tell you how much I respect and admire you.Thank You For Every Everlasting Memories.

Journey To a Mother

Motherhood is a wonderful journey. Every where we have seen people talking about the greatness of being a mother,the joy and happiness,the wonderful moments with your kids. We can see cute laughing pictures of babies with their mother that makes one think of motherhood as a jovial smooth  ride. But behind those pictures lies the truth. It is a roller coaster ride,with so many ups and downs,twist and swirls,tears and laughter.This is the story of how I embraced myself as a mother.

As expected that day arrived ,when the bundle of great responsibility was reported within me. Through the nine month journey, I was bombarded with many advises,criticism and congratulations that changed from OKAY to BEARABLE to UNBEARABLE. The journey though pleasant was filled with unwanted fears .Words are not enough to explain the emotions of being pregnant. So as the old people say -"All's well that Ends Well" . And so it did. MY Baby Girl Was Born.

The Transition Period from a wife to Mother is very tiring, even with all its blessings. Please don't roll your eyes,it's a fact that we all admit discreetly. Life becomes a mixture of fun , happiness , tensions,anxiety and jubilation all moulded into a tiny capsule . This is the phase where we start to admire our Mothers more. We sense a new form of  respect within us to "Motherhood". Countless of sleepless nights,surely makes you sleep deprive but also give a strength to surpass anything. This is the time when we rediscover ourselves.  Surprised,by our own capability to pass this phase ,now we know we can do it. There are thousands of books that tells us about parenting,but the greatest book is your own feeling. We know what is good for our child. If anybody asks , how you know, the answer is:"I DO BECAUSE I AM A MOTHER".

The journey to be a Mother, is very tiring and pleasantful at the same time.It teaches the most valuable lessons of one's life : the ultimate power of "LOVE". It's love that drives a Mother to any extend unimaginable. Now we look upon life with a new perspective. Mothers you should be proud of yourselves.You are criticised at every steps. You are tagged irresponsible even by strangers. You are questioned by all. You are the one who risks everything for your child.You are  the first God,Teacher,Friend and Guardian Angel for your little one. "HATSSS OFF MOTHER"