The Way

I wonder why I am like this,
So easily falling to trust,
Your actions your words,
You smile, your eyes.
Then again, what else was there,
In this lonely form,
To be loved and to love,
When you came upon.
The way you smiled,
Gave me pearls,
That glistened on my plain form. 
Who knew, we will come to this.
Only for me to hold on to those beautiful bliss,
It was destined to be mesmerising,

Filled with beautiful memories, 

But alas! The game was changed,

Fate decides upon all, 

Leaving trails of fading distress. 

Lesson On Forgiveness

The only constant childhood memory that rushes into my mind is always one scene. The scene never changes and has been carved into my mind all along. It had a greater impact on shaping the person that I am now.

Being brought up by an alcoholic father was nothing short of terror, especially in our patriarchal society. From the days , I could remember, we dreaded the time when he approaches home. The endless beatings and verbal abuse that was given to my Mother instilled fear and loath into our heart. Being married at the young age of 18, did not give my Mother many options to leave him. She hung on for the sake of us, for the sake of society, as she feared she will never be accepted if she leaves. The fear for the future of our lives, gave her strength to endure the pain and suffering for years.

I remember questioning her on why she is not taking the courage to leave and was silenced by the painful look she gave me. I knew then and there that she had taken the decision to bear the sufferings and nothing could deter her from there. The only thing that she wanted was our safe future and for that she forgot to look after her-self.

As, we grow , she found her voice coming back. She gained some strength the day , I stood up to face my Father, Of course, I was offered all the beatings but that day she realized , she needs to move on and stand up for herself.

The path was not easy, but she made small strides towards self improvement. Time is the biggest wizard. Eight months into my marriage, my Father fell down with paralysis, making him completely depended on my Mother. Of course, people advised her to leave him in some nursing home and to live her life , but she didn't. The words my Mother told me that day, will be etched in my heart for ever, "Yes my dear, he has wronged me, abused me, but I Forgive him!! The person right now in front of me is only a human in need of help."

It changed my life. The bitterness that I had carried all along to my Father, to relatives, to friends and to everyone. The power of her forgiveness, gave me strength to forgive myself.

I know, there are many individuals like me , who has gone through some sort of abusive child hood. All I have to say to them is only one and one thing , please forgive yourself and heal within. There are no storms that do not pass. Ultimately, we all will see light at the end . You are a survivor and you will always survive.

Welcome To My World: Delusional Me

Welcome To My World: Delusional Me: They say I am delusional, I never stay at the present, I like to wander and move, Without any direction or purpose. You may fin...

Delusional Me

They say I am delusional,

I never stay at the present,

I like to wander and move,

Without any direction or purpose.

You may find it weird,

You may doubt my mind,

But, you all who does so,

Please know,

I am free and floating,

In a way you cannot be.

I never dwell in one place,

I never weep in one place,

I never cling to one place.

As I believe, there are more to explore,

More to run, to walk, to sit still.

More to feel, to love , to express.

And more and more to be oneself.

Maybe it is not the way it should be.

But it is the way I love to be.

This delusional ME.

Thoughts from a Warrior Soul - Part 1

These days have been very tiresome. Exhausted to the core, the body and soul feels separated from one another, giving the impression of two persons inside one. The days have not been very fortunate and things that happened will never be forgotten. It seems odd to function, when all you desire is entirely different from what you receive. Never has ever been a time like this, where one cannot express their true actions. Free flow of voluntary actions are being substituted by involuntary actions, forced upon by circumstances over which you have no control. Whatever one do, it is not done from one's heart, but by the sheer necessity of others.

This cannot go long, this confusion and disorder is setting off the balance. One will face this type of dilemma, may be more than once in life. But, it should never be the reason to destroy the peace, the co-existence within. It is a very tedious task, but, nevertheless, it has to be done. Being in that phase, it is very difficult to get a clear picture of your self, your mind, your actions. It is enough to create a whirl wind of countless questions, thoughts and judgments. The havoc, the whirl mind creates will be massive and unthinkable. On the other hand, it clears away all negativity and leaves the body barren to lay new beginnings. While eagerly waiting for the evacuation, the mind is being torn apart by accusations and judgmental words. The truth is you should be the best friend of your own self. It is highly idiotic to expect comfort from other's, while everything lies within your self. This is the greatest mistake of life, which unfortunately we all tend to repeat over and over again.

Maybe, what the situation requires is time to re-fuel your body and soul. The effort to find the time lies within one-selves. Methods may vary, but the important point is that whatever we do ,we have to heal. It is unnecessary and highly not recommended to steer away from the healing path, just because you need to be elsewhere for others. That is when, you lose. You lose your confidence, your strength and not to say the least, your Soul. The distressed mind will always try to deceive you, to break you away from the path of rejuvenation. It is not because , the mind is an evil entity to come to destroy us, but because, we are so poor in trusting our mind to do the right thing. We need to jump to the water and learn to swim to cross across the turbulent sea on our own, without proper guidance

The choice, as we understand is within us. It is the thoughts that one conceive that determines the actions and aftermath. This is a very tedious task, which every living soul delivers without second thoughts. We determine our actions. We determine our thoughts . We alone are the sole reason for our peace of mind. So, it is better to be ready for whirl winds and tornadoes. After all, what fun life would be without some action. Be a Warrior.

Reflections on Hartal Day

Very saddened to see the plight of our State these days. Seems even Gods are not free from political plays and public opinions. To see the agitations and uproar on TV for religious sentiments, makes us to ponder on the social situation present. People come out on streets, insulting each other and opens up against government actions. Interesting to see these uproars are not there when a child dies, a minor is raped, when drugs rule the life of teenagers, when old people are left to die. When the whole society is collapsing, even when basic amenities are being rejected to half of the population.

Everyone forgets at that moment, the atrocities committed to God's own creation. When the Hartal was declared for Sabarimala issue yesterday, we were all saddened to see the plight the sacred shrine has come to. But at the same time, we received another news in our office. One of our colleagues sister kid was lost and found dead later in a pond.The child was only 10 years old. After seeing all the atrocities being done in the name of God on TV, we wondered would people have reacted the same way for the kid's death. Of course, it was not a sensational issue, as these deaths happen every where. But shouldn't it be also be a reason for collective agitation.

A peaceful protest is what we need at this time. Because the core essence of Ayyappa is all about peaceful co-existence. It is the legend of a Man who defied politics, made friend's irrespective of caste, creed or status. A Man who showed how to live. We should never encourage politicians to play with the feelings of Bhakths. We should direct our energy to the social stability of our country. As citizens , we should ensure that the ideologies put forward by the legend of Ayyappa- peace, love and courage be incorporated into our lives.

This is the only way, we can curb unnecessary political influences into our religions. The vibe we received from the news rooms today are very negative. Why do legal and government systems leisurely indulge into religious sentiments, without re-thinking properly. When decisions are made, it should be for the common good of the people. It is not something to be done without thinking the aftermath. Looking at the scenario today, we are ashamed and pained to the core. Wasting tax saver's money for nothing. Common good is lost, all we have now is just petty political games.

No one has any right to incite people in the name of religion. Let the issue be resolved in a peaceful manner. Let no people interfere with any religious sentiments. May Ayyappa ensure the peaceful existence of His people.

The Lone Feminist

Dear Friends,

Many may wonder, why I choose the above topic. Well, because it completely defines one and one person alone- ME. Yeah! I am a Feminist. Not the type who questions each and every thing on newsrooms. Not the one who argues in public for equality and stabs at the back .
I am that kind of feminist, who actually believes that Feminism should start from one's home, within the hearts of the women over there.

For instance, we live in a world, where still on periods , even our own kids are not allowed to touch us. Seriously, they came out of our womb and still we are considered impure. How many decisions are taken by us for our own, that directly affects our lives? . Even, educated women, are just means of double income. Because, as per our people of the house, even though she is a very qualified professional, she lacks "out side knowledge on how the world works". Her first role, is always as a home maker and if she lacks those skills, then she lacks every thing.

Also, I believe , that if a change has to happen, one should start within ourselves. We women always second ourselves. We sacrifice on our interests, we sacrifice our likes and even our life styles, when we enter another home. Women are like a tree. When, a tree is suddenly uprooted, from a firm ground and then put into another soil, it needs strength, nurture and care to grow the roots deeper. The type of nurture decides whether the tree will grow into lush forest, sheltering many on its branches or withers away, even denying its own existence.May be we all should be like a cactus plant, standing in an adverse hot environment, with deep roots and plenty of water stored , providing for those who comes searching for the same. But, most of the time, we forget that only if we help other fellow women-beings at home, a strong family foundation could be established.

Women, is women's greatest adversary. No matter whatever you do, if your fellow women always criticize, do not do much, just ignore and continue with your good work. our mind is very complex, vibrant and distinct. Simple steps, lead to big changes.

As for me, I am constantly baffled by the way I see the women in my family behave. Why, is it necessary for them to consider themselves, unworthy of something, just because they lack in something , makes me question the norm. Of course, this has led to not so pleasant talks and encounters. Bought up by the person, who I consider the first Feminist in my life and having seen many in my side of the family ( where, there are more feminists than anything else) most of the times, I just could not help, but raise my voice when one person is demeaned by others. Why, is it that we do not even have the guts to stand up for other women of our own family and then talks about equality on the outside.

Nowadays, seeing the feminists in our television makes me laugh. How come these people, who cannot even make people around you understand equality- make the outside world aware of the same.

But, as they say, one should go on and on and on.......

Thank You

Welcome To My World: Midnight Conversations

Welcome To My World: Midnight Conversations: The major part of our time a day, we spend on conversations. Early morning, get ready to office conversation, to do conversation, tea...

Midnight Conversations

The major part of our time a day, we spend on conversations. Early morning, get ready to office conversation, to do conversation, tea-break conversations, Skype conversations, social media conversations and so on.... But , for me, the most interesting conversation is Midnight conversation.

Nope! I do not mean chatting in whats app or snap chat. I mean the ones we have, sitting in the porch/balcony, saying anything about everything.

These talks are priceless. We just forgets about the day's heaviness and finds solace in the dreamy night shadow. There are no ends of topics. We cover almost anything from the new joiner in office to whats happening in America! It is like a river finding its own path.Bouncing from one rock to another, it just flows smoothly, producing a sweet rhythm. There may not be anything productive, but the activity in itself is very joyful. It lightens the weigh in our heart. Makes us to forget the day's worries and gives strength to move forward.

Sometimes, these deep night talks, are intruded by the arrival of cold winds and drizzling rains. The atmosphere itself permeates an energy unparalleled to anything. Some conversations are so silent, that even a water drop could disturb the same. But these do not happen every day. It is very rare and has a beauty of its own. Who do not like it. We all love to be lost for a time, outside of our worries, pain and responsibilities. It does not need another person to have a conversation. You and the nature around you, is more than enough. After all , she is a very good listener.

We all should have,if not deliberately,such midnight conversations. The time is precious and priceless, which can never be duplicated. After all, geniuses are born only through these carefree talks. So spend time on it and use it freely.

So ends, my conversation for tonight.

Good Night!!

Welcome To My World: Tea Time Parties

Welcome To My World: Tea Time Parties: The most beautiful time in a day is - Tea time!! To sit on the balcony, in a sunny evening, may be rainy too, with a cup of sweet fresh bre...

Random Words 3: Changes

So, there has been some changes , some deep changes within me. Something, which cannot be pin-pointed. But, I am sure it is very deep . Recently, there is a sense of calm all around . It has not been felt ever before. This is not because, life has become more stressful, in fact, this time our hardship are huge. Emotionally, physically and financially, I am completely drained.

No, it's not that, but a feeling within my heart. A strange feeling of awakening is driving around in my veins. Maybe, it is the way life teaches you maturity. The rage is diminished, but not gone, It is just being diverted into many forms. Passion, vigor, confidence is being built steadily. The moment, we channelize our rage into more cultivating measures, is the moment you start living your own. We are the creator of our own consciousness. External factors are just simulators, we are the one who decides what we need to be.

Our personal development, depends on the thoughts we hold. We become what we think. Our actions are reflections of our thought process. The love turns to love, anger to frustration. Mind is never in our hands, it is always slipping away, but what we can do is to learn to bend it, to mold , to divert the flow into a positive channel. only this can help. It needs to be practiced continuously. Only through constant practice and dedication can we attain control. This is never easy, as it sound. Even I am still way behind the path, but since now I have seen the light I am never going to fall back.

My Dear Friends, love yourselves, then only you can bring change. It is the spirit within us who defines our journey. If we hate ourselves, how can we ever bring goodness to our lives. Rage can never be a part of something pure and good. And that purity and goodness, defines our life and of those connected with us. None of us is perfect, we have many disabilities, many physical constraints, many flaws ( proven by others). Learn to embrace them, learn to accept them, it is part of you, it is not going anywhere, but it also does not mean we need to sit on top of it and regret our whole lives.

Get out, be true, be YOU. 

Happy Sunday!!