Aster

Hey Love,

As distant as we are now,

With the distance getting big on its own,
Please know,

Never ever there was a moment without you.

Never ever there was a thought without you.

Never ever there was peace without you.

The shining light is gone,

Replaced with the tortuous doom,

Please know,

Never ever there was torture as bad as being away from you,

Never ever there was light as beautiful and bright as you.

Never ever there was peace without you.

As I lie here, withering away petal by petal,

I send you these purple stars from the little sane corner of my heart,

To make you remember,
Take Care of Yourself for me,
After all, my peace is YOU.

~ prajitha

The Man Who Lived Life As It Is - Part 1

This is a story. A story of a man who lived his life as it is. 

This man was unique in his own sense. Free-spirited, energetic, inquisitive, vulnerable, strong, and joyful. Now, you may ask, isn't everyone born the same way as you mentioned. Yes, everyone is, but does everyone remain the same, or the least strive to be the same. That is a question in itself.

Somehow along the way bit by bit, we lose different aspects of what we are. This does not imply that this man has not lost anything, but he had always found a way to get back to his old self.

His childhood was not extraordinary, it was ordinary as it could be, but his free-spirited mind always tended to defy things. He was a REBEL. A rebel to the existence of high and low, a rebel to the difference in status, a rebel to the inequality in the very basic necessities of livelihood. His rebellion was open, unharmed, and true to the cause, which in later life caused many a disagreement.

Growing up, he did not fit into the social norms of a family. His disregard for wealth was very open, which enabled many to use him for financial gains. People may think that he is a fool, to entertain those predators, but the fact was he was not unaware of their intentions, he just did not care about it. Something which this author finds truly baffling and still cannot perceive their head upon it. You might have put a dagger through his heart, abused him, neglected him, and even might have concocted many rumors behind his back. Still, nothing will hold him back, when there is a need for his help in your life. Compassion- That is what made him the Man he was.

Feel it, embrace it, and move on.

How do you enjoy your evenings? Going out with friends, having food and fun, going to cinemas, reading a book, and having quality time with your family.

To tell you the truth, it has been a long time since I have ever enjoyed my evenings. As a person, who loves to have some refreshing time on my own, this is a disaster. Well, who else can be blamed, but myself and my never-ending lists of tasks, duties, and responsibilities. As a self-proclaimed chai lover, this is really sad and outrageous, the consciousness of which dawned on me two days ago, when I went to the balcony to pick the dress, with a cup of tea in hand.

One look outside, and there you see in the branches of the big tree (of which you have still not learned the name) a raven has built her nests, with her hatchlings. The kids were all playing outside, even though it is freezing cold, having fun, yelling, laughing, shouting, and here you are wondering what to do next. It felt like you have bounded your mind, to think only about work, and in that process, you have forgotten that sometimes you need to set yourself free.

The realization that in your fast day, you need to allow yourself to slow down a bit, to reenergize and recuperate fell upon me. I stood there silently letting it sink in, observing and just being there. Do you even realize how liberated you are at that time when you allow the life around you to warm you up? It makes you understand that the rush you make every day can never be compared to those few moments of entire soulfulness.

Feel it, embrace it, and move on. 

Let me finish my chai and Parle-G.

Mirror

There is a mirror in the depths of our mind,

A mirror that reflects our deepest desires.

A mirror that reflects our fears.

A mirror that reflects our self.

You can choose to ignore or acknowledge.

Yet the mirror remains.

You can choose to wonder or neglect.

Yet the mirror remains.

It do not ask for acceptance,

Neither does it ask for avoidance 

You try to destroy the mirror,

Break it in to pieces , powder it into dust.

Then again you forget to remember.

You are the creator, you are the destroyer.

Everything comes from you, so do the mirror .

Aki 秋

 Aki

In the sleepy and cold mornings, 

With a hint of drowsiness and a cup of chai,

You sit in your balcony and feel the cold breeze.

The early morning sun, smiles at you with a tint of coldness.

Trees sway and rustle,

There are colors every where.

Nature is inviting you to witness the new,

Color spreads as the smile on a kids face.

The changing leaves looks enchanting,

Red and orange,

Enchanting and breathtaking.

The sun is warm, the leaves are warm.

Wherever you go the colors are warm.

There is laughter,

There is life,

There is warmth,

There is love.

This is what Autumn is,

This is how Autumn feels.

With a tint of coldness in the morning,

And an expase of warmth on our minds.

* Aki- In Japanese Language Aki means "Autumn" "秋"

What Matters IS...?

When All That Matters to you Is No More.

What Matters is within you.

When All That Matters to you Is No More

What matters is around you.

When All That Matters to you Is No More

What matters is away from you.

When All That Matters to you Is No More

What matters is never you

When All That Matters to you Is No More

What Matters is….?

And then there was you

And then there was you

In a busy street, under the bright lights,
I stood bewildered.
Watching life, bustling around me,
When all I needed was quiet.

People rushed past me,
Not a glance to spare.

Friends laughed and cracked jokes,
Ignorant of the stares,
When all I wished was to be ignorant as them all.

I wanted to move, but yet I failed.
I wanted to shout, but yet I failed.
I wanted to breathe, but yet I failed.
When all I wished was to feel again.

Time moved on, and here I was,

Still and not moving on.
When I caught my breath,
As I could feel a stare.

Searching for the eyes, I moved.
I pushed through the laughing people,
I pushed through the sweaty workers.
And then I saw the eyes,
And then there was you.

To be continued…

Comfortable.

Comfortable.

I like to be comfortable,
Like the soft whisper of the wind, brushing through your face.
I like to be comfortable,

Like the dripping water of the rain, falling through the petals.
I like to be comfortable,
Like the sound of the pages, of an old bound book,
I like to be comfortable,
Like the sweetness of the tea that stays in your mouth,
I like to be comfortable,
Like the soft mews of the sleeping cat, in the balcony, curled and unaware.
I like to be comfortable,
Like as if you never know how comfortable it is.

When Time Stands Still.

Fast, that is the life.

The life that I am on,

Moving with tremendous speed,

Onward and onwards.

No time for thoughts,

No time for reflections.

No time for  breath,

No time for stillness.

A moment of pause is what I yearn,

A moment of stillness is what I need.

But will I ever learn to be still,

Will I ever learn to breathe.

I will only know,

When Time stands still.

~ prajitha.

The Path

I am here,

At the beginning of different paths, 

Some used some unused, 

Waiting for my beating heart to settle down to its rhythm. 

I look beyond,

Roads crossed, 

Filled with disappointment fear confusion and hatred. 

It was muddy like the river in a storm, 

Unconscious of the consciousness within. 

I look back stunned at the mess of my path, 

Twisted arrays of indescribable design, 

Messed up with numerous footprints. 

Reality crashed down like lightning, 

My wandered soul, begging to rest. 

Strained and used, I stand here, 

Stilled by my thoughts. 

I hear the winds Beckoning, 

Yet I am unsure but also aware. 

Something has been stirred within, 

A view has been cleared. 

I am here, 

At the beginning of different paths, 

Some used some unused. 

My vision getting cleared, 

My determination shines. 

Without fear I stride forward, 

In the path chosen by me, 

To tackle the adventures of life. 

Finding Love...

Few days back , my friend and myself had a very interesting conversation. As usual, we were talking about everything irrelevant, when all of a sudden my friend says,"can you possibly tell me how you believed you were in love with the right person". Now to say I was preoccupied with the question will be an understatement. You see, I am not one who believed in love at first sight, even though I love to read romance novels and watch everything romantic. Neither I was one who had a chance to fall in love before marriage (Yes! Arranged marriage yay!!). So, this was very tricky for me indeed.

This made me realize to the fact that ,people identifies themselves in love in different forms unique to themselves. As my friend said, all it takes, is a moment to recognize and that's all you need. And once the moment goes away, you know you are done for. There is no turning back. You are out there exposed to all that  will be thrown to you. If you are fortunate enough, you will have company or else, you suffer. Well, that is an interesting way to put it out. 

Finding love, is not a task. It is a natural phenomenon. You stay awake all your life, for that one true love, sometimes you get lucky, but sometimes you are very unlucky to even recognize it. Sometimes you get what you envisioned and sometimes you just wish you never had an assumption. But, there is no turning back. All person, at certain point of life, falls for it. Some may be fortunate enough to have a life-long relation for other's it may be good till it lasted and for some it just leave behind painful memories. It gives strength, compassion, recognition, realization, warmth, happiness , acceptance in varying degrees. The "degree" detrmines the longevity, the depth and furthermore the life in love.

So, our conversation, ended in this note " you may be an ignorant, foolish, arrogant selfish soul or you may be a compassionate one. Whatever you are , once you fell in love, it is love only. It is upto you to decide to cherish, accept, own,live for love or to ignore, scorn or make a fool out of yourselves. After all as the old people say "Love is blind" and you have no idea what blindness do to you. 

Signing off...

P.G

Also Love

This poem is not a masterpiece, but an ode to two special people.


I Love You,

Magical words, that swept my feet away,
Sweet as nectar from your lips.
Words that I longed to hear,
From the love of my life.

Queer, as I be, left alone and dejected,
When I laid eyes on you,
My heart stopped and time stood still,
I knew I have found love,
But was too afraid of it.
Filled with doubts and self-pity.
What if, I looks like an idiot,
What if, you are already owned,
What if, you stay away with contempt,
When you know my love.

Doubts, filled my heart,
Breaking it into pieces,
I longed to see your handsome face,
Longed to hold you in my arms,
Longed to stare into those beautiful blue orbs,
That beholds an ocean of emotions.
My lips quivered, my head felt dizzy,
When I see you coming towards me.
Your smile made my heart stop.
Your eyes made my eyes blur.

I knew I was lost, never to return.
Afraid, that my love will never be full filled.
Oh, how I wish, I was not born in this form.
How I wish, I never felt what i feel.
How I wish I was "normal".
But then, you startled me.
Picked me up from my rubble.
You held me in your arms,
You kissed my forehead,
Stared deeply into my heart,
And let out those magical words.

I knew I was blown away,
I knew I was knocked out,
I knew I am lost without hope.
Oh!! Dear, so this is Love,
The terrible heart beats, the heavy breathing,
Lost in time, holding your hand,
Sharing your warmth.

People questioned and I was afraid,
But you held me up and proudly proclaimed;
"You are mine;I am yours".
And all I could do, was to stare wildly,
For your bold words coming deep from your hearts.

I think I received my reason to live,
The reason to love,
The reason to breath,
The reason to die.
I know I am doomed to be lost in your love.
But I warmly welcome it though,
As I gaze lovingly into your eyes,
Savoring all beautiful moments.

I Know Now, This Is Also Love.

I know I should not write this...

It has been a long time since I had sat down to write my words. These days all there is in my life is a constant sense of stagnation. More, precisely,you could say lack of interest in the daily stuffs. Even on the work part, which can be really dangerous,LOL!!

So, what made me to sit up late into this night and suddenly come to blog... This wonderful feeling to put my thoughts into words, just came out so powerfully that there is no way I can hold back. Being a person, who rarely displays their true emotions, sometimes becomes so over whelmed in such a way that one should just pour it out. I am as cold as stone, who clearly do not know how to show affections and lately this has been greatly challenged. I really do admire people who clearly express what they want. Maybe, it was the way I have grown up that made it real hard for me to let out myself. From being a child and growing up, never have I ever clearly stated my likes and dislikes to anyone, not even to my Mother. Maybe because I felt my opinions didn't matter or because I felt that you just do not belong there. That sense of not belonging has been with me for a long time, that one can just never be over with it.

Realizations come pretty quick these days, especially when you are just hit with it on your face.It has not been easy when other's assume what you really want.You can say, it goes something like, "Hey!! I don't give a damn". Yes, it can be me or you can may be , but lately this attitude has indeed created a very dangerous aura that scares people away (which needs to be verified time to time). So , here I am trying to clear it off within myself (even when there are two birds who shouts "Hell No! You are not so").

It is just so depressing to come to a conclusion on how stubborn I am to others and most importantly to myself. Nevertheless, it also clearly make me assure that I truly understand who am I. It sounds exaggerated, fake and idiotic, all the while it is also the truth.

The Way

I wonder why I am like this,
So easily falling to trust,
Your actions your words,
You smile, your eyes.
Then again, what else was there,
In this lonely form,
To be loved and to love,
When you came upon.
The way you smiled,
Gave me pearls,
That glistened on my plain form. 
Who knew, we will come to this.
Only for me to hold on to those beautiful bliss,
It was destined to be mesmerising,

Filled with beautiful memories, 

But alas! The game was changed,

Fate decides upon all, 

Leaving trails of fading distress. 

Lesson On Forgiveness

The only constant childhood memory that rushes into my mind is always one scene. The scene never changes and has been carved into my mind all along. It had a greater impact on shaping the person that I am now.

Being brought up by an alcoholic father was nothing short of terror, especially in our patriarchal society. From the days , I could remember, we dreaded the time when he approaches home. The endless beatings and verbal abuse that was given to my Mother instilled fear and loath into our heart. Being married at the young age of 18, did not give my Mother many options to leave him. She hung on for the sake of us, for the sake of society, as she feared she will never be accepted if she leaves. The fear for the future of our lives, gave her strength to endure the pain and suffering for years.

I remember questioning her on why she is not taking the courage to leave and was silenced by the painful look she gave me. I knew then and there that she had taken the decision to bear the sufferings and nothing could deter her from there. The only thing that she wanted was our safe future and for that she forgot to look after her-self.

As, we grow , she found her voice coming back. She gained some strength the day , I stood up to face my Father, Of course, I was offered all the beatings but that day she realized , she needs to move on and stand up for herself.

The path was not easy, but she made small strides towards self improvement. Time is the biggest wizard. Eight months into my marriage, my Father fell down with paralysis, making him completely depended on my Mother. Of course, people advised her to leave him in some nursing home and to live her life , but she didn't. The words my Mother told me that day, will be etched in my heart for ever, "Yes my dear, he has wronged me, abused me, but I Forgive him!! The person right now in front of me is only a human in need of help."

It changed my life. The bitterness that I had carried all along to my Father, to relatives, to friends and to everyone. The power of her forgiveness, gave me strength to forgive myself.

I know, there are many individuals like me , who has gone through some sort of abusive child hood. All I have to say to them is only one and one thing , please forgive yourself and heal within. There are no storms that do not pass. Ultimately, we all will see light at the end . You are a survivor and you will always survive.

Welcome To My World: Delusional Me

Welcome To My World: Delusional Me: They say I am delusional, I never stay at the present, I like to wander and move, Without any direction or purpose. You may fin...

Delusional Me

They say I am delusional,

I never stay at the present,

I like to wander and move,

Without any direction or purpose.

You may find it weird,

You may doubt my mind,

But, you all who does so,

Please know,

I am free and floating,

In a way you cannot be.

I never dwell in one place,

I never weep in one place,

I never cling to one place.

As I believe, there are more to explore,

More to run, to walk, to sit still.

More to feel, to love , to express.

And more and more to be oneself.

Maybe it is not the way it should be.

But it is the way I love to be.

This delusional ME.

Thoughts from a Warrior Soul - Part 1

These days have been very tiresome. Exhausted to the core, the body and soul feels separated from one another, giving the impression of two persons inside one. The days have not been very fortunate and things that happened will never be forgotten. It seems odd to function, when all you desire is entirely different from what you receive. Never has ever been a time like this, where one cannot express their true actions. Free flow of voluntary actions are being substituted by involuntary actions, forced upon by circumstances over which you have no control. Whatever one do, it is not done from one's heart, but by the sheer necessity of others.

This cannot go long, this confusion and disorder is setting off the balance. One will face this type of dilemma, may be more than once in life. But, it should never be the reason to destroy the peace, the co-existence within. It is a very tedious task, but, nevertheless, it has to be done. Being in that phase, it is very difficult to get a clear picture of your self, your mind, your actions. It is enough to create a whirl wind of countless questions, thoughts and judgments. The havoc, the whirl mind creates will be massive and unthinkable. On the other hand, it clears away all negativity and leaves the body barren to lay new beginnings. While eagerly waiting for the evacuation, the mind is being torn apart by accusations and judgmental words. The truth is you should be the best friend of your own self. It is highly idiotic to expect comfort from other's, while everything lies within your self. This is the greatest mistake of life, which unfortunately we all tend to repeat over and over again.

Maybe, what the situation requires is time to re-fuel your body and soul. The effort to find the time lies within one-selves. Methods may vary, but the important point is that whatever we do ,we have to heal. It is unnecessary and highly not recommended to steer away from the healing path, just because you need to be elsewhere for others. That is when, you lose. You lose your confidence, your strength and not to say the least, your Soul. The distressed mind will always try to deceive you, to break you away from the path of rejuvenation. It is not because , the mind is an evil entity to come to destroy us, but because, we are so poor in trusting our mind to do the right thing. We need to jump to the water and learn to swim to cross across the turbulent sea on our own, without proper guidance

The choice, as we understand is within us. It is the thoughts that one conceive that determines the actions and aftermath. This is a very tedious task, which every living soul delivers without second thoughts. We determine our actions. We determine our thoughts . We alone are the sole reason for our peace of mind. So, it is better to be ready for whirl winds and tornadoes. After all, what fun life would be without some action. Be a Warrior.

Reflections on Hartal Day

Very saddened to see the plight of our State these days. Seems even Gods are not free from political plays and public opinions. To see the agitations and uproar on TV for religious sentiments, makes us to ponder on the social situation present. People come out on streets, insulting each other and opens up against government actions. Interesting to see these uproars are not there when a child dies, a minor is raped, when drugs rule the life of teenagers, when old people are left to die. When the whole society is collapsing, even when basic amenities are being rejected to half of the population.

Everyone forgets at that moment, the atrocities committed to God's own creation. When the Hartal was declared for Sabarimala issue yesterday, we were all saddened to see the plight the sacred shrine has come to. But at the same time, we received another news in our office. One of our colleagues sister kid was lost and found dead later in a pond.The child was only 10 years old. After seeing all the atrocities being done in the name of God on TV, we wondered would people have reacted the same way for the kid's death. Of course, it was not a sensational issue, as these deaths happen every where. But shouldn't it be also be a reason for collective agitation.

A peaceful protest is what we need at this time. Because the core essence of Ayyappa is all about peaceful co-existence. It is the legend of a Man who defied politics, made friend's irrespective of caste, creed or status. A Man who showed how to live. We should never encourage politicians to play with the feelings of Bhakths. We should direct our energy to the social stability of our country. As citizens , we should ensure that the ideologies put forward by the legend of Ayyappa- peace, love and courage be incorporated into our lives.

This is the only way, we can curb unnecessary political influences into our religions. The vibe we received from the news rooms today are very negative. Why do legal and government systems leisurely indulge into religious sentiments, without re-thinking properly. When decisions are made, it should be for the common good of the people. It is not something to be done without thinking the aftermath. Looking at the scenario today, we are ashamed and pained to the core. Wasting tax saver's money for nothing. Common good is lost, all we have now is just petty political games.

No one has any right to incite people in the name of religion. Let the issue be resolved in a peaceful manner. Let no people interfere with any religious sentiments. May Ayyappa ensure the peaceful existence of His people.

The Lone Feminist

Dear Friends,

Many may wonder, why I choose the above topic. Well, because it completely defines one and one person alone- ME. Yeah! I am a Feminist. Not the type who questions each and every thing on newsrooms. Not the one who argues in public for equality and stabs at the back .
I am that kind of feminist, who actually believes that Feminism should start from one's home, within the hearts of the women over there.

For instance, we live in a world, where still on periods , even our own kids are not allowed to touch us. Seriously, they came out of our womb and still we are considered impure. How many decisions are taken by us for our own, that directly affects our lives? . Even, educated women, are just means of double income. Because, as per our people of the house, even though she is a very qualified professional, she lacks "out side knowledge on how the world works". Her first role, is always as a home maker and if she lacks those skills, then she lacks every thing.

Also, I believe , that if a change has to happen, one should start within ourselves. We women always second ourselves. We sacrifice on our interests, we sacrifice our likes and even our life styles, when we enter another home. Women are like a tree. When, a tree is suddenly uprooted, from a firm ground and then put into another soil, it needs strength, nurture and care to grow the roots deeper. The type of nurture decides whether the tree will grow into lush forest, sheltering many on its branches or withers away, even denying its own existence.May be we all should be like a cactus plant, standing in an adverse hot environment, with deep roots and plenty of water stored , providing for those who comes searching for the same. But, most of the time, we forget that only if we help other fellow women-beings at home, a strong family foundation could be established.

Women, is women's greatest adversary. No matter whatever you do, if your fellow women always criticize, do not do much, just ignore and continue with your good work. our mind is very complex, vibrant and distinct. Simple steps, lead to big changes.

As for me, I am constantly baffled by the way I see the women in my family behave. Why, is it necessary for them to consider themselves, unworthy of something, just because they lack in something , makes me question the norm. Of course, this has led to not so pleasant talks and encounters. Bought up by the person, who I consider the first Feminist in my life and having seen many in my side of the family ( where, there are more feminists than anything else) most of the times, I just could not help, but raise my voice when one person is demeaned by others. Why, is it that we do not even have the guts to stand up for other women of our own family and then talks about equality on the outside.

Nowadays, seeing the feminists in our television makes me laugh. How come these people, who cannot even make people around you understand equality- make the outside world aware of the same.

But, as they say, one should go on and on and on.......

Thank You