Also Love

This poem is not a masterpiece, but an ode to two special people.


I Love You,

Magical words, that swept my feet away,
Sweet as nectar from your lips.
Words that I longed to hear,
From the love of my life.

Queer, as I be, left alone and dejected,
When I laid eyes on you,
My heart stopped and time stood still,
I knew I have found love,
But was too afraid of it.
Filled with doubts and self-pity.
What if, I looks like an idiot,
What if, you are already owned,
What if, you stay away with contempt,
When you know my love.

Doubts, filled my heart,
Breaking it into pieces,
I longed to see your handsome face,
Longed to hold you in my arms,
Longed to stare into those beautiful blue orbs,
That beholds an ocean of emotions.
My lips quivered, my head felt dizzy,
When I see you coming towards me.
Your smile made my heart stop.
Your eyes made my eyes blur.

I knew I was lost, never to return.
Afraid, that my love will never be full filled.
Oh, how I wish, I was not born in this form.
How I wish, I never felt what i feel.
How I wish I was "normal".
But then, you startled me.
Picked me up from my rubble.
You held me in your arms,
You kissed my forehead,
Stared deeply into my heart,
And let out those magical words.

I knew I was blown away,
I knew I was knocked out,
I knew I am lost without hope.
Oh!! Dear, so this is Love,
The terrible heart beats, the heavy breathing,
Lost in time, holding your hand,
Sharing your warmth.

People questioned and I was afraid,
But you held me up and proudly proclaimed;
"You are mine;I am yours".
And all I could do, was to stare wildly,
For your bold words coming deep from your hearts.

I think I received my reason to live,
The reason to love,
The reason to breath,
The reason to die.
I know I am doomed to be lost in your love.
But I warmly welcome it though,
As I gaze lovingly into your eyes,
Savoring all beautiful moments.

I Know Now, This Is Also Love.

I know I should not write this...

It has been a long time since I had sat down to write my words. These days all there is in my life is a constant sense of stagnation. More, precisely,you could say lack of interest in the daily stuffs. Even on the work part, which can be really dangerous,LOL!!

So, what made me to sit up late into this night and suddenly come to blog... This wonderful feeling to put my thoughts into words, just came out so powerfully that there is no way I can hold back. Being a person, who rarely displays their true emotions, sometimes becomes so over whelmed in such a way that one should just pour it out. I am as cold as stone, who clearly do not know how to show affections and lately this has been greatly challenged. I really do admire people who clearly express what they want. Maybe, it was the way I have grown up that made it real hard for me to let out myself. From being a child and growing up, never have I ever clearly stated my likes and dislikes to anyone, not even to my Mother. Maybe because I felt my opinions didn't matter or because I felt that you just do not belong there. That sense of not belonging has been with me for a long time, that one can just never be over with it.

Realizations come pretty quick these days, especially when you are just hit with it on your face.It has not been easy when other's assume what you really want.You can say, it goes something like, "Hey!! I don't give a damn". Yes, it can be me or you can may be , but lately this attitude has indeed created a very dangerous aura that scares people away (which needs to be verified time to time). So , here I am trying to clear it off within myself (even when there are two birds who shouts "Hell No! You are not so").

It is just so depressing to come to a conclusion on how stubborn I am to others and most importantly to myself. Nevertheless, it also clearly make me assure that I truly understand who am I. It sounds exaggerated, fake and idiotic, all the while it is also the truth.

The Way

I wonder why I am like this,
So easily falling to trust,
Your actions your words,
You smile, your eyes.
Then again, what else was there,
In this lonely form,
To be loved and to love,
When you came upon.
The way you smiled,
Gave me pearls,
That glistened on my plain form. 
Who knew, we will come to this.
Only for me to hold on to those beautiful bliss,
It was destined to be mesmerising,

Filled with beautiful memories, 

But alas! The game was changed,

Fate decides upon all, 

Leaving trails of fading distress. 

Lesson On Forgiveness

The only constant childhood memory that rushes into my mind is always one scene. The scene never changes and has been carved into my mind all along. It had a greater impact on shaping the person that I am now.

Being brought up by an alcoholic father was nothing short of terror, especially in our patriarchal society. From the days , I could remember, we dreaded the time when he approaches home. The endless beatings and verbal abuse that was given to my Mother instilled fear and loath into our heart. Being married at the young age of 18, did not give my Mother many options to leave him. She hung on for the sake of us, for the sake of society, as she feared she will never be accepted if she leaves. The fear for the future of our lives, gave her strength to endure the pain and suffering for years.

I remember questioning her on why she is not taking the courage to leave and was silenced by the painful look she gave me. I knew then and there that she had taken the decision to bear the sufferings and nothing could deter her from there. The only thing that she wanted was our safe future and for that she forgot to look after her-self.

As, we grow , she found her voice coming back. She gained some strength the day , I stood up to face my Father, Of course, I was offered all the beatings but that day she realized , she needs to move on and stand up for herself.

The path was not easy, but she made small strides towards self improvement. Time is the biggest wizard. Eight months into my marriage, my Father fell down with paralysis, making him completely depended on my Mother. Of course, people advised her to leave him in some nursing home and to live her life , but she didn't. The words my Mother told me that day, will be etched in my heart for ever, "Yes my dear, he has wronged me, abused me, but I Forgive him!! The person right now in front of me is only a human in need of help."

It changed my life. The bitterness that I had carried all along to my Father, to relatives, to friends and to everyone. The power of her forgiveness, gave me strength to forgive myself.

I know, there are many individuals like me , who has gone through some sort of abusive child hood. All I have to say to them is only one and one thing , please forgive yourself and heal within. There are no storms that do not pass. Ultimately, we all will see light at the end . You are a survivor and you will always survive.

Welcome To My World: Delusional Me

Welcome To My World: Delusional Me: They say I am delusional, I never stay at the present, I like to wander and move, Without any direction or purpose. You may fin...

Delusional Me

They say I am delusional,

I never stay at the present,

I like to wander and move,

Without any direction or purpose.

You may find it weird,

You may doubt my mind,

But, you all who does so,

Please know,

I am free and floating,

In a way you cannot be.

I never dwell in one place,

I never weep in one place,

I never cling to one place.

As I believe, there are more to explore,

More to run, to walk, to sit still.

More to feel, to love , to express.

And more and more to be oneself.

Maybe it is not the way it should be.

But it is the way I love to be.

This delusional ME.

Thoughts from a Warrior Soul - Part 1

These days have been very tiresome. Exhausted to the core, the body and soul feels separated from one another, giving the impression of two persons inside one. The days have not been very fortunate and things that happened will never be forgotten. It seems odd to function, when all you desire is entirely different from what you receive. Never has ever been a time like this, where one cannot express their true actions. Free flow of voluntary actions are being substituted by involuntary actions, forced upon by circumstances over which you have no control. Whatever one do, it is not done from one's heart, but by the sheer necessity of others.

This cannot go long, this confusion and disorder is setting off the balance. One will face this type of dilemma, may be more than once in life. But, it should never be the reason to destroy the peace, the co-existence within. It is a very tedious task, but, nevertheless, it has to be done. Being in that phase, it is very difficult to get a clear picture of your self, your mind, your actions. It is enough to create a whirl wind of countless questions, thoughts and judgments. The havoc, the whirl mind creates will be massive and unthinkable. On the other hand, it clears away all negativity and leaves the body barren to lay new beginnings. While eagerly waiting for the evacuation, the mind is being torn apart by accusations and judgmental words. The truth is you should be the best friend of your own self. It is highly idiotic to expect comfort from other's, while everything lies within your self. This is the greatest mistake of life, which unfortunately we all tend to repeat over and over again.

Maybe, what the situation requires is time to re-fuel your body and soul. The effort to find the time lies within one-selves. Methods may vary, but the important point is that whatever we do ,we have to heal. It is unnecessary and highly not recommended to steer away from the healing path, just because you need to be elsewhere for others. That is when, you lose. You lose your confidence, your strength and not to say the least, your Soul. The distressed mind will always try to deceive you, to break you away from the path of rejuvenation. It is not because , the mind is an evil entity to come to destroy us, but because, we are so poor in trusting our mind to do the right thing. We need to jump to the water and learn to swim to cross across the turbulent sea on our own, without proper guidance

The choice, as we understand is within us. It is the thoughts that one conceive that determines the actions and aftermath. This is a very tedious task, which every living soul delivers without second thoughts. We determine our actions. We determine our thoughts . We alone are the sole reason for our peace of mind. So, it is better to be ready for whirl winds and tornadoes. After all, what fun life would be without some action. Be a Warrior.

Reflections on Hartal Day

Very saddened to see the plight of our State these days. Seems even Gods are not free from political plays and public opinions. To see the agitations and uproar on TV for religious sentiments, makes us to ponder on the social situation present. People come out on streets, insulting each other and opens up against government actions. Interesting to see these uproars are not there when a child dies, a minor is raped, when drugs rule the life of teenagers, when old people are left to die. When the whole society is collapsing, even when basic amenities are being rejected to half of the population.

Everyone forgets at that moment, the atrocities committed to God's own creation. When the Hartal was declared for Sabarimala issue yesterday, we were all saddened to see the plight the sacred shrine has come to. But at the same time, we received another news in our office. One of our colleagues sister kid was lost and found dead later in a pond.The child was only 10 years old. After seeing all the atrocities being done in the name of God on TV, we wondered would people have reacted the same way for the kid's death. Of course, it was not a sensational issue, as these deaths happen every where. But shouldn't it be also be a reason for collective agitation.

A peaceful protest is what we need at this time. Because the core essence of Ayyappa is all about peaceful co-existence. It is the legend of a Man who defied politics, made friend's irrespective of caste, creed or status. A Man who showed how to live. We should never encourage politicians to play with the feelings of Bhakths. We should direct our energy to the social stability of our country. As citizens , we should ensure that the ideologies put forward by the legend of Ayyappa- peace, love and courage be incorporated into our lives.

This is the only way, we can curb unnecessary political influences into our religions. The vibe we received from the news rooms today are very negative. Why do legal and government systems leisurely indulge into religious sentiments, without re-thinking properly. When decisions are made, it should be for the common good of the people. It is not something to be done without thinking the aftermath. Looking at the scenario today, we are ashamed and pained to the core. Wasting tax saver's money for nothing. Common good is lost, all we have now is just petty political games.

No one has any right to incite people in the name of religion. Let the issue be resolved in a peaceful manner. Let no people interfere with any religious sentiments. May Ayyappa ensure the peaceful existence of His people.

The Lone Feminist

Dear Friends,

Many may wonder, why I choose the above topic. Well, because it completely defines one and one person alone- ME. Yeah! I am a Feminist. Not the type who questions each and every thing on newsrooms. Not the one who argues in public for equality and stabs at the back .
I am that kind of feminist, who actually believes that Feminism should start from one's home, within the hearts of the women over there.

For instance, we live in a world, where still on periods , even our own kids are not allowed to touch us. Seriously, they came out of our womb and still we are considered impure. How many decisions are taken by us for our own, that directly affects our lives? . Even, educated women, are just means of double income. Because, as per our people of the house, even though she is a very qualified professional, she lacks "out side knowledge on how the world works". Her first role, is always as a home maker and if she lacks those skills, then she lacks every thing.

Also, I believe , that if a change has to happen, one should start within ourselves. We women always second ourselves. We sacrifice on our interests, we sacrifice our likes and even our life styles, when we enter another home. Women are like a tree. When, a tree is suddenly uprooted, from a firm ground and then put into another soil, it needs strength, nurture and care to grow the roots deeper. The type of nurture decides whether the tree will grow into lush forest, sheltering many on its branches or withers away, even denying its own existence.May be we all should be like a cactus plant, standing in an adverse hot environment, with deep roots and plenty of water stored , providing for those who comes searching for the same. But, most of the time, we forget that only if we help other fellow women-beings at home, a strong family foundation could be established.

Women, is women's greatest adversary. No matter whatever you do, if your fellow women always criticize, do not do much, just ignore and continue with your good work. our mind is very complex, vibrant and distinct. Simple steps, lead to big changes.

As for me, I am constantly baffled by the way I see the women in my family behave. Why, is it necessary for them to consider themselves, unworthy of something, just because they lack in something , makes me question the norm. Of course, this has led to not so pleasant talks and encounters. Bought up by the person, who I consider the first Feminist in my life and having seen many in my side of the family ( where, there are more feminists than anything else) most of the times, I just could not help, but raise my voice when one person is demeaned by others. Why, is it that we do not even have the guts to stand up for other women of our own family and then talks about equality on the outside.

Nowadays, seeing the feminists in our television makes me laugh. How come these people, who cannot even make people around you understand equality- make the outside world aware of the same.

But, as they say, one should go on and on and on.......

Thank You

Welcome To My World: Midnight Conversations

Welcome To My World: Midnight Conversations: The major part of our time a day, we spend on conversations. Early morning, get ready to office conversation, to do conversation, tea...

Midnight Conversations

The major part of our time a day, we spend on conversations. Early morning, get ready to office conversation, to do conversation, tea-break conversations, Skype conversations, social media conversations and so on.... But , for me, the most interesting conversation is Midnight conversation.

Nope! I do not mean chatting in whats app or snap chat. I mean the ones we have, sitting in the porch/balcony, saying anything about everything.

These talks are priceless. We just forgets about the day's heaviness and finds solace in the dreamy night shadow. There are no ends of topics. We cover almost anything from the new joiner in office to whats happening in America! It is like a river finding its own path.Bouncing from one rock to another, it just flows smoothly, producing a sweet rhythm. There may not be anything productive, but the activity in itself is very joyful. It lightens the weigh in our heart. Makes us to forget the day's worries and gives strength to move forward.

Sometimes, these deep night talks, are intruded by the arrival of cold winds and drizzling rains. The atmosphere itself permeates an energy unparalleled to anything. Some conversations are so silent, that even a water drop could disturb the same. But these do not happen every day. It is very rare and has a beauty of its own. Who do not like it. We all love to be lost for a time, outside of our worries, pain and responsibilities. It does not need another person to have a conversation. You and the nature around you, is more than enough. After all , she is a very good listener.

We all should have,if not deliberately,such midnight conversations. The time is precious and priceless, which can never be duplicated. After all, geniuses are born only through these carefree talks. So spend time on it and use it freely.

So ends, my conversation for tonight.

Good Night!!